Next time I go through security... I wana load the top of my bag with tampons covered in red marker.
That awkward moment someone goes to give you a high five as they pass you, but you just got outa the bathroom and was too lazy to completely dry your hands… you just keep walking. Don’t look back.
I unsubscribed from a spam email… and this is what they said:
"Your privacy is taken seriously. If you have received email from this organization after unsubscribing, forward the message to firstname.lastname@example.org.
It will be investigated."
Is that why you have a super serious email address to take care of the matter? I can't tell if they are mocking me or not with that email address... like "oh, you want customer service? ok, call 1-800-gofuckyourself." ...guess ill find out when I get more spam.
oh em geeee!!!!! the royal people had their baby and named it DontGiveaShit.
if only Americans cared half as much about important things in their own country slash lives as they do this crap... like getting a good job, educating their children correctly enough to not to want to grow up to be a snooky, or idk... just not sucking at life in general... maybe this country wouldn't be so far down the shitter... naaahh.. lets just keep being obsessed with shit that doesn't matter.. as if we have any personal connection whatsoever to a royal family miles and miles away that you have never met and will never meet.. and who does not give one half of a squirrel shit who you are, only that you are stupid enough to follow their every move to keep them relevant. that seems to be going real well. and if you think "oh you are just mean... they are important! and they had a baby!! oo!" I will then tell you, oh, my super important friend Susie just had a baby, go nuts! you don't know Susie.. so you prolly don't give a flying fuck. you don't know these royal schmucks either. but yet, people pretend to be their BFFs by stalking the shit out of them. *vomit*
Monday – Suckday:
No one likes you. You indicate the weekend is over and a long week is ahead. The only way you ever have any say is when you turn into a holiday. In that case, you are SuckaLittleLessDay.
Tuesday – Teaseday:
It’s not Suckday, but it’s nowhere near Funday. It’s just a facade. You try to make people like you because you are not the first day of the work week, but in reality, you might as well marry Suckday, because maybe then you’d become one and the work week would only be 4 days long. Then of course, you’d be considered the first day of the work week, and you would be the new Suckday.
Wednesday – Hump day:
I’m pretty sure people would get mad if I changed that one.. although if I DID change it.. it would be Weenieday: … for obvious reasons. I like pineapples. And, because it is in
the middle of the week. Yes, it’s not Friday, but it is definitely not Suckday, and after tomorrow, it’s
almost. there. Just. Hold. On. Happy hour.. in a few short hours. Must. Quench. Thirst.
YAY! Time for fun. Ya. That’s it.
do nothing, with friends… and preferable alcohol. Be a bum (until 1:00pm, because as we have previously learned in “Discoveries”, after time reaches single digits, you are a waste).
Sunday – FindATimeMachineDay:
rewind to after 5:00pm on Funday. Otherwise, unless we got a SuckaLittleLessDay on reserve, ah crap. Tomaro’s Suckday.
You mean to tell me.. that when you posted your house on craigslist.. you didn’t take the time to make sure your dog wasn’t taking a dump in the corner?
Back when Magic Mike came out... an uproar of insecure men took storm... all of a sudden men had to feel the pressure of scantily clad men being ogled by their women, instead of them doing the drooling. It got to the point.. where if I read about or heard ONE more guy complain about Magic Mike, I encouraged his girlfriend, wife, fiancé, sister, or whoever is closest, to punch him in the face.
Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME???
God forbid there’s ONE movie that objectifies men instead of women. We got ONE movie.. and there wasn't even any male nudity!!! there was FEMALE NUDITY!! You sickos get every other movie, TV show, and every other everything to gawk at perfect looking women while most men in all forms of entertainment are 7's at best. You should make your woman see it as a Thank You for putting up with all the other crap, then buy her 14 copies on DVD because she’ll burn them out pretty quick. I can't wait until the second one comes out... IMAX 3D??
Let's see how many guys will cry like babies again when it comes out, and how many will try and act like it doesn't bother them since they got their balls handed to them by their chicks for being pansies after the first time around.
Grow balls and get over it.
i love that ppl bitch and complain about days like "sweetest day" and "valentine’s day" and try to validate how pointless they are when theyr single... yet, when they have someone, it’s all "ooo happy
ssssweettteesssstt daaaayyy!!! looovvee iiitt!!!"
learn to pick a side... your gona have to some day during Political Debates for something actually important... id hate to think your voting ability is as weak as your sometimes supporting slash otherwise blind hatred flip-flopping habits of hallmark holidays..
I just saw an old fat wrinkly man on a motorcycle...
picture it.. picture it.
...with an unfortunately descriptive license plate stating "NUDIST"
You're welcome. If I have to see it, so do you.
Next Presidential debate… Since both candidates spend the entire campaign lying their asses off to the point where idk what's true, i will vote for whoever gets rid of this daylight "savings" time crap. I don't see any savings. There's no need for it to be dark before 6 pm. Kids don't play hide and seek anymore... They're too busy doing drugs and other illegal things because their parents suck. Fix that too.